I know, this is such a naughty post but I don’t care because it makes me laugh. It’s evil really – assuaging someone’s pain falsely. But if you do it right, you come off as cheeky and playful instead of as a jerk.
Relationships are a funny thing to navigate – you gotta keep your ego in check while simultaneously not injuring your partner’s pride. Sometimes you want to tell your man or woman (or both – we won’t judge) the truth but you know if you do they may take it wrong, react, or worse. You may try to use tact in delivering your message, but if you are anything like me, you blurt things out without thinking and suffer the aftermath.
All this tip-toeing around each other’s emotions either makes for some really funny conversations or massive fights the likes of which the world has never seen. The point is this: we don’t want to lie to our partners…. That would be bad! But sometimes, we really aren’t sorry – not because we are insensitive, but because we don’t feel our behavior was wrong.
So, in an effort to practice self-preservation while avoiding world war III with my S/O, I did a little research on different ways you can say sorry without really saying sorry… LOL he is probably going to read this and know all my dirty little tricks…or worse – he’ll use my own tactics against me. *has second thoughts about this post*
How to Say “I’m Sorry” Without Saying “Sorry”
- “No one is wrong here.”
Have you ever seen Mega-Mind? Yes, it is a kid’s movie and it is uh-mazing. I love it! There is this scene where the main character is fighting with his side-kick who is obviously right, and instead of apologizing, Will Ferrel’s character says, “You’re right! I’m…..less right.” I’ve dropped this one a few times on my partner – works like a charm. Sure beats saying “I’m sorry” when you don’t mean it!
- “I’m sorry…..that you feel that way.”
This is an oldie but goldie – if you notice, you are apologizing that they FEEL that way instead of for your behavior which probably caused the upset in the beginning.
Funny story – my daughter’s father dropped this one on me ALL THE TIME while we were dating. He would literally be two hours late picking me up at our rendezvous point (later I found out his tardiness was due to him being out at a club with friends). I would be absolutely furious! He wouldn’t answer my calls, my texts and I was left wondering if he forgot about me altogether. When I DID finally see him, I would be emotionally charged and reactive and he would say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” He’d be all stoic… with a smug look on his face while I would be pulling my hair out. It didn’t work out between us thankfully, but I did pick up this little nugget o’ gold from him.
- Will you please forgive my unintentional…(fill in the blank)(oversight, indiscretion, etc)…
Another good one – you are asking for forgiveness WITHOUT saying sorry…I love it! It’s like apologizing for a completely different thing.
“Ouch! Why did you do that? That wasn’t nice at all!”
“I’m sorry you are in pain.”
Done and done!
- This situation has filled me with regret.
Again, a phrase which states your remorse while forfeiting responsibility on your part.
- Mistakes were made…
According to cracked.com, this is the highest level of non-apology. Presidents and world leaders have used this classic phrase time and time again…don’t you think it’s your turn?
- I’m sorry….but..
(Looks over at Sean….) “I’m sorry if I offended you by saying your cooking is terrible, but it is awful.” Another one he uses is “I’m sorry, but you’re wrong.” #sorrynotsorry
Keep in mind, this article was written in jest – I was in a playful mood today and I really value authenticity. I usually become MORE upset if someone apologizes half-heartedly.
“Yeah yeah yeah, I’m sorry, can we move on now?”
*eye twitches furiously…steam bellows from ears*
Honesty is the best policy and, in my opinion if you aren’t sorry then don’t be sorry. Or at the very least be honest about what you ARE sorry about.
Wishing you all the best Springfield, Mo!