We’ve all been there: you meet someone, you start chatting and hanging out, you may even go on a date or two and before you know it, you start getting those butterflies in your stomach and you think, “Yep, I am definitely digging this person – I think sex is on the menu.” It is exhilarating to find someone special, but how often do you discuss sexual intimacy before hitting the sheets?
Whether you take it slow with someone new or are looking for a one-night stand (no judgment), it is incredibly important to talk about that big horny elephant in the room before getting it on with your new beau…or that guy you met at the pub. Why? Some STIs are silent or go years without symptoms only to wreak havoc later on and leave some women infertile. So ladies, take the reins of your sex life and be empowered to talk about it (even if you don’t want to). Set you and your partner up for success and have the talk.
Many Women Aren’t Having the “Sex Talk” With Their Partners
In a 2014 online study by Merck, which included 2,000 women between 18 and 40 years of age, the study revealed that many women don’t talk about sexual health with their partners. A simple conversation can go a long way in keeping you and your partner healthy and safe.
This study revealed the following:
- 55% of women don’t talk about birth control with their partners. This is incredibly important, especially if y’all aren’t on the same page with making babies.
- 29% of women didn’t talk to their gynecologist. Additionally, 24% of women were not comfortable talking about their sexual history with their doctor.
- Less than 1 in 10 women, single, make the first move on a guy.
- Only 22% of women felt uncomfortable discussing their sexual past. While this isn’t bad at all, if you do have an STI, you should definitely disclose it to your partner before getting busy.
- 65% of women do not have condoms in their home.
- According to the women surveyed, only 26% were open to having sex on the first date.
A 2016 CDC report shows cases of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) reached an all-time high in the United States and those between the ages of 15 and 24 acquire half of all new STIs. All the more reason to nip it in the butt early and talk about it!
6 Questions to Ask Before Getting Intimate with Someone
Let’s be honest – it isn’t always easy talking about sex before having it. A lot of people say it “ruins the mood.” Personally, I would much rather have my mood ruined for the night than for the rest of my life. Also, instead of having this talk right when you are getting into the pregame, why not talk about it over coffee or dinner first? Then at least it’s out of the way, and if they are smart they will know you’ve already been thinking about them naked. You gotta set yourself up for success people!
Have You Been Tested?
With this question comes a plethora of other questions. What have you been tested for? Was it just HIV or was it all the other STI’s and STD’s? Have you been tested recently? Not the most fun question but one that could save the health of your uterus.
How Do You Feel About Contraception?
Birth control and condoms are two forms of contraception incredibly important to talk about. You don’t want to be caught in the heat of the moment, pull out a condom and hear your partner groan about it. Have the condom talk.
Are You Married or Seeing Someone Else?
Another sticky question, but one which is very important. It’s not fun to hook up with a guy you really like and find out he has a girlfriend, even if it is an “open” relationship. Find out what your partner means by “open.” At the very least you know where you both stand emotionally.
Are You Sleeping With Someone Else?
Another big but necessary question – is he all in or is he still in bachelor mode? Keep in mind there is nothing wrong with a guy going out and having a good time (the opposite is true as well for you ladies), just make sure you are on the same page so you can avoid drama down the line.
What Do You Like in Bed? Anything in Particular?
This question pertains to what he or she likes in bed. You don’t want to go over to their house to get down only to find out it’s a gang-bang…which of course, there is nothing wrong with gang bangs if that’s your sort of thing! Just be sure you both are aligned before you do the no pants dance.
What Are You Looking For In A Relationship?
Hey, you could be with someone looking to get lucky one night and then bounce. Of course, this would be nice to know before you start wondering why he never called or texted you back. Again, alignment is key. If his game is hit it and quit it, at least you know ahead of time.
In summary, the whole point of having the sex conversation is to set you and your partner up for success. No one wants to accidentally get pregnant, or contract something they don’t want, or have a lover who has multiple other partners unbeknownst to you. Is it easy to talk about? Not all the time. In fact, every time I’ve had this talk with a prospective partner, if he seemed annoyed or disgusted by the conversation (or by wearing condoms), it was a no-brainer for me. If I can’t talk to you about sex, I don’t see this ending well. And I hate drama – my goal is to avoid it completely and be transparent from the start.
Wishing you happy, satisfying, consensual and healthy sexual encounters.